Behind The Scenes of The Scarlet Virgins

Counter Purity Movement: Trading One Dysfunction for Another ft. Justin Megna

In this groundbreaking episode, Rebecca Lemke interviews Justin Megna about a topic no one else has touched: the “Counter Purity Movement.”

The Counter Purity Movement is a phrase they have coined for the scorched-earth social landscape some trod following purity culture, which includes outright hedonism, abuse within recovery communities, and versions of Christianity manipulated to be more sexually permissive.

Justin and Rebecca discuss purity culture, the Counter Purity Movement, and some of the ways in which these cultures are two sides of the same coin. They talk about their own – sometimes painful – journeys in finding their way to a healthy, holistic approach to life, love, and Christianity.

They are in complete agreement that Jesus Christ should our all-in-all and any path that leads away from him, whether hyper-legalistic or licentious, should be rejected.




Good Christian Girls Follow The Rules…

Rebecca Lemke was a Good Christian Girl who wanted a Good Christian Husband and a Quiverfull of kids. The sort of blessed, picturesque life promised to people who followed The Rules.

The Rules were these:

Don’t wear anything that could cause your male friends to stumble. Scratch that, don’t wear anything but denim skirts and long-sleeve shirts, even when at the pool.

Don’t touch before you get married. No kissing, no hugging, no hand-holding. Break this rule, and you are damaged goods, chewed gum, spit-in water.

Don’t have a crush. If you have a crush on someone before you’re married, you cannot give your husband your whole heart. You’ll have an emotional STD that will infect your marriage! You should really just marry your first crush.

Don’t have problems. Good Christian Girls don’t have problems.

Don’t ask questions. Good Christian Girls don’t do that, either.

Don’t fight back. If a man hurts you, then you led him on and deserved it.

Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.

As long as you follow The Rules, everything will be great.

And everything was great. Until it wasn’t.

The small town homeschool group she attended imploded, leaving Rebecca isolated and alone.

Everything came to a head when one of her friends was violently raped by none other than her older brother.

Everyone around Rebecca said that the girl had deserved it.

But the girl had followed The Rules. The Rules that were supposed to keep them safe and give them a good life.

That was the moment she knew something was wrong, and she wasn’t going to stay silent any longer.

The Scarlet Virgins is a memoir of Rebecca’s journey through the ramifications of spiritual abuse and purity culture, wrestling with the temptation of apostasy, the descent of herself and others into the depths of addiction, alcoholism, anorexia, depression, self-harm, and suicide. She outlines the dangers of finding your identity in your purity or ability to follow the Law rather than in Christ and what he has done for you.

Valentine’s Day Sale of The Scarlet Virgins!

If you or someone you know would like a physical copy of my book, The Scarlet Virgins – When sex replaces salvation, I am going to run a Valentine’s Day sale on it where you can purchase from me directly (email me at Instead of $14.99 it will be $9.99!

From now until Valentine’s Day, it will be this price!  This is a great gift for you or a loved one impacted by shame-based teaching on sex.

The Scarlet Virgins

Upcoming Event

Hi folks!  I have a talk coming up in Norman at the library!

January 20th from 2:30pm to 3:30pm I will be speaking in room A/B at the Norman Central Library on Webster Street.


Rebecca Lemke grew up in a legalistic sect of Christian Purity Culture. Since coming out of it, she speaks about her experiences and insights regarding the mental, emotional, spiritual, and sexual ramifications of this movement and how to begin the journey to healing. If you are familiar with the terms, “damaged goods,” “spit in water,” or “chewed gum” in reference to your sexuality, this is the talk for you.

The event is free to attend. Please come and bring a friend! 

If you would like a flyer for your local church or group, just leave me a comment and I will get one to you ASAP.

#29 – Interview With A Sexual Assault Prevention Educator

#29 – Interview With A Sexual Assault Prevention Educator

In this episode, Rebecca interviews Nikki Penwell, a sexual assault prevention educator.

Nikki’s Facebook page:

Nikki’s website:

Listen in iTunes:

Listen Online:

Buy the book:

The Scarlet Virgins Podcast #28 – Why You Shouldn’t Fake it

If you’ve been raised in purity culture, sex can be incredibly frustrating and you may be tempted to fake an orgasm to make your spouse happy…but don’t!

In this episode of The Scarlet Virgins Podcast, Rebecca discusses why it isn’t a good idea to “fake it” in your sexual relationship with your spouse.

Listen Online

Listen in iTunes

Watch on Youtube:

Buy the book here.

Blog Post: Ten Tips For Dealing with a Frigid Spouse

When you’ve been raised in an environment in which sex is shameful, it isn’t unusual to be sexually frigid or marry someone who is. I must disclose that I am not a huge fan of the term frigid because it can be used as a diss and in a disrespectful manner.

That said, the way I am using is it to describe someone who is having a difficult time embracing their sexuality and being vulnerable and affectionate with their spouse. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I think it is quite common coming out of purity culture and even in general culture where women who enjoy sex are viewed in a derogatory fashion.

While I am operating with the terminology that the woman is the frigid spouse throughout this article, please understand that the man can be as well. I am choosing to convey it this way for the sake of brevity and what I see most commonly.

It can be frustrating to have a spouse that is seemingly not as interested in sex as you are, and that can lead to marital issues and arguments, among other things. Here are my tips for dealing with a frigid spouse!

Read more…
10 Tips For Dealing With A Sexually Frigid Spouse

I don’t feel safe

"I don't feel safe."

Those were the words that I told my husband last night on the living room floor, in tears.

The past few weeks, months really, have been difficult.

I continue to receive sexually charged messages, videos, and photos from men who are strangers to me. On YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. And usually, we have a mutual friend. They are part of a community, have a good job, have a family, and children. I block one, and two more pop up, like a hydra.

It is maddening to deal with, quite frequently these days, but it isn’t solely what caused my breakdown last night.

Read more…

Tips for Dealing with a Sexually Frigid Spouse

#27 – 10 Tips for Dealing With A Sexually Frigid Spouse

Purity culture often reinforces frigid behaviors that already are impressed upon women when it comes to sex. This leads many spouses to confusion and sexual frustration.

In this podcast episode of The Scarlet Virgins, Rebecca offers 10 Tips for Dealing with a Sexually Frigid Spouse.

I did not have the energy to write out a post to accompany this like I mentioned in the podcast but all the content is within the podcast. I am still looking for a Christian sex therapist to recommend, when I find one I will update this. 🙂

Listen Online

Listen in iTunes

Watch on Youtube:

Buy the book

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