Hi there!

I’ve a lot of people talk about their 6 month old’s development, but I’ve never really seen anyone talk about what it’s like to be 6 months postpartum.

For me, it’s hard.

I miss my son sleeping like a newborn on my chest. I miss him being a little and not quite as wiggly.

I wish I could have enjoyed that time instead of running to and from doctors and hospitals trying to make sure he made it out okay.

I miss being able to sleep and not wake up from nightmares of his yellow skin or leads attached to his chest.

Just shy of Bubba’s 6 month birthday, when I thought we were out of the woods with medical problems, he failed his hearing screening. While it’s not too concerning at this point, it was still quite upsetting to me.

I am physically recovering pretty well. I never really had any problems with my tear healing, or my organs settling back into place. I still have horrible, daily joint pain and serious meat aversion (I’m looking at you, sausage!).

While I haven’t had the return of my period yet (though it’s possible to be pregnant without that), people have already begun asking when we are having another child. It’s really frustrating to say, “Maybe never” and be told that we will change our minds. Just the thought of getting pregnant again is pretty scary for us.

If we aren’t worried at any given moment about Hyperemesis Gravidarum coming back, we are worried about Preeclampsia, or Intrahepatic Cholestatis of Pregnancy, or Kidney stones returning. While I am physically recovering well, the hits we took while I was pregnant and after delivery shattered our confidence in my ability to have a healthy pregnancy.

In the last two weeks, I’ve begun having some issues with small spaces. Places like our bathroom, cry rooms, nursing lounges, etc. At first, it was just a little bit of trouble breathing, then it began to get worse. I started being unable to swallow or breath. I began getting dizzy and the walls felt like they were getting closer every time I stepped foot in these rooms.

I mentioned this to a group of friends on Facebook and they voiced concerns about postpartum depression or anxiety.

So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I told Bubba’s pediatrician at the end of his appointment yesterday. Pediatricians are often seen as just children’s doctors, but they are there to help both mom and baby and their relationship together.

It wasn’t easy to tell her. I didn’t want to be given medications or accused of being nuts. Postpartum depression and anxiety both have quite the stigma attached, and I wanted no part of it.

Luckily, she knew exactly what I was talking about. She explained that there are some pretty intense hormonal drops at 6 months postpartum and that, not only was a little bit of heightened anxiety normal, but she may have even been a bit worried had I not mentioned something had changed to indicate this drop.

While she made no official diagnoses, we are operating under the assumption of mild claustrophobia.

Leaving doors open and frequent walks outside are the prescription, thankfully. I also took to another online chat room for support. Isolation will only make things worse, so I am doing my best to keep in touch with other mothers who experienced, or are experiencing, similar situations.

At 6 months postpartum, I can honestly say I still don’t know what I’m doing as far as raising a baby. I have grown much more assertive since Bubba was born though. My personality has changed from being very introverted to being extroverted and more confident, which I like. 🙂

What were your biggest challenges and accomplishments at 6 months postpartum?

New Crunchy Mom