I am pleased to announce that Bubba and I went to work (babysitting) for the first time since he was born.
How is this possible?
Babywearing, of course!
Our job was simple…
Keep Thing 1 and Thing 2 from killing each other for five hours.
Thing 1 and Thing 2 are brothers. It was definitely not as simple as I thought.
Thing 1 and Thing 2 took late naps, so I was instructed to wake them up at 6 pm-ish.
I went to get Thing 1. Thing 1, the eldest, did not appreciate my gentle knock on his door, or me turning on the light. I walked away to go get Thing 2, in hopes that Thing 1 would come around eventually.
Thing 2 was much more receptive to my attempt at a wake up call. He scurried to the edge of his crib, eager to be picked up. Bubba got excited by the prospect of another baby to play with and he excitedly dug his heels into my sides in a “giddy up” fashion.
Thing 2 went looking for Thing 1 and was met with the same toddler beast as I had been previously. I asked them both if they would like some milk and they sprinted to the kitchen without hesitation.
Mission Accomplished! New Crunchy Mom: 1, Things: 0.
With sippy cups full of milk, Thing 1 and Thing 2 wandered into the living room. They plopped down on the couch with eyes glazed over and chanted in unison, “Octonauts! Octonauts!” Except in their tiny, excited munchkin voices it sounded like “Acanot! Acanot!”
Puzzled, I got in communication with The Boss for translation assistance. Upon leaning that “Acanot” meant “Octonauts” I was given permission to let them watch Octonauts.
There was just a slight problem…
I don’t own a television, and haven’t touched a remote in two and a half years.
On top of this, they didn’t have a conventional remote. Instead they had this magical tablet device that had internet and commanded the TV.
Ultimately, I gave the tablet to Thing 2, who swiftly turned on Octonauts…bested by an 18 month old *hangs head in shame*
New Crunchy Mom : 1, Things : 1.
After letting Thing 1 and Thing 2 watch an episode of toddler crack…I mean Octonauts…;) I asked them what they wanted for dinner. After I was met with blank stares, I mentally played back the list of options The Boss had given me.
“How about chicken nuggets?” I offered.
Thing 2 lit up with excitement and Thing 1 exclaimed, “Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah…” in approval.
I went off to the kitchen to find the nuggets and nuke them in the microwave. After digging through the bottom of the fridge, I found them and went on to digging for something to put them on to cook.
Lo and behold, there came a shriek from the living room.
I prayed as I ran, with Bubba jiggling and laughing in the K’tan on the way.
I came upon Thing 1 being trapped under a round laundry basket by Thing 2. Thing 2 didn’t weigh enough to completely hold Thing 1 in, so the laundry basket gyrated up and down with the force of an angry three-nager (that is a three year old teenager, for those of you that don’t know) under it.
I took a deep breath and politely said, “Thing 2, get off of Thing 1!” while attempting to pry his little hands off of the top of the hamper. Thing 2 grinned and started jumping up and down, to the dismay of both myself and Thing 1.
I swept Thing 2 up, in a lady-like fashion, and tossed him over my shoulder. He thought it was quite fun, judging by the giggles. Thing 1 scrambled out from under his prison and after a quick nod at me and a moment of straightening his clothing, he was back to watching Octonauts.
New Crunchy Mom : 2, Things : 1.
After I successfully warmed the chicken nuggets, I gave Thing 1 and Thing 2 four each and sat the plates down in front of the them.
This resulted in Thing 2 eating all of his, and two of Thing 1’s nuggets. Thing 1 declared he was not hungry and that he wanted an orange. I blinked, sighed, and turned to search the kitchen for oranges. Thing 1 and Thing 2 trailed behind me.
I opened the pantry door and behind me I heard two tiny gasps. Thing 2 spewed nugget crumbs out of his mouth in excitement. I turned to see what it was that was so exciting…
“Mommy says we can have those!” Exclaimed Thing 1 while pointing to a box of chocolate chip muffins.
Thing 2 nodded vigorously.
“Are you sure?” I said.
“Yes, mommy lets us have all of them.”
“Mmkkkayyy, I’m going to ask mommy, then you can have some.”
Their faces became serious and they looked at each other.
“No that’s okay, just trust me.” Thing 1 said.
I sent a text to The Boss and waited for a reply. Lucky too, because the little con artist’s information was incorrect.
They got a muffin each, despite their protests. Then my phone buzzed again.
“We are on our way. Can you get them ready for bed?”
I said, “Okay guys, time to brush teeth and put on PJs.”
As soon as the words let my lips, it was obvious I was in trouble…
Thing 1’s face morphed into a red and puckered pout, while Thing 2 hung his head and folded his arms dramatically.
“Please, let’s go. Mommy and Daddy will be home soon.” I said.
Bubba began burrowing for a boob. Now I was faced with mealtime and bedtime.
I shooed the Things to go find their clothing, but I was met with blank stares.
I reached the the tablet to turn off the TV and was met with Thing 1 falling onto the floor at my feet. I switched off the TV and the tears began flowing.
I scrambled to put the tablet at a height unreachable for the Things and was met with many protests.
The Boss walked in just in time to see me chasing down Thing 1 with his tooth brush, begging him to use it…
New Crunchy Mom : 2, Things : 2.
It’s not over, Things, it’s not over…
New Crunchy Mom